I didnt think my dreams and desires were worth fighting for. Reddit, Inc. 2023. It was in that moment that for the first time I felt like I was failing at being a mom to two souls. Bringing a newborn home is a joyous, stressful, life-changing eventso its no surprise that many couples find themselves running into relationship problems and arguing after having a baby. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. Pregnancy and impending parenthood can provoke a lot of different and even conflicting feelings in peopleand you and your partner may not feel the same way about it all. Short baby names are undeniably catchy; they cut to the chase while leaving a long-lasting impression. Searching for something special? You are not I'm scared I'll never want to have sex again. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. There, I said it. Learn when youre most fertile and the ovulation symptoms and signs to look out for when youre trying to get pregnant. With all these fears and anxieties swirling around in my head and the questions I get about when we plan to have our second child, Im encouraged by the stories I read by mothers who have multiple children. We have so much more fun on our outings because we bring the baby. Dont be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely. Ive been with my husband for 11 years (married for 2) and have some of the same thoughts, but mostly look at it more so as an opportunity for us to have yet another new adventure together, learn more about each other, and view each other in a new light after all this time! Just continue to make time for yourselves!As soon as our son was sleep trained and we had from 7pm onwards together, we would make dinner together, eat together and watch our tv shows or a movie and it has been great :). Try not to let it get in between you. Im sure Im missing something. I know it's totally Shock can happen with any sudden, traumatic changes that may affect your life, like an unplanned pregnancy. The Fear of How Pregnancy Will Change Your Body; The Fear of How Motherhood Can Affect Your Career; The Fear of the Financial Aspects of Parenthood; The If you are terrified of this pregnancy, I want you to know a few things: Despite what you may be hearing from society, your friends or family, and even yourself, you dont need to feel guilty. my son still FTM mom here. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. That being said, you have to put a little more effort into making your relationship a priority. Tokophobia is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth so extreme that it interferes with daily life and actively prevents someone from getting pregnant. Of course our relationship will change, but I only see if changing for the better. How will I manage all the future potential obstacles with my first when I have another baby to care for? Its a good idea to talk to each other about your feelings and any anxieties you have about the future, including: your hopes your fears Here are four things to remember in those early days as an expanded family: 1. Simply put, love and pregnancy can be a tricky combination. Senior Wellness & Parenting Reporter, HuffPost. To (No abuse, just distance/issues?) You might not love your second child in the same way as your first. I'm going through different emotions at the moment.happiness, sadness, grieving my old life, My position as the You may run into some bumps in the road, but youll also likely look at your partner singing to baby in the middle of the night, or teaching her to play patty-cake, and fall in love with them all over again. Heres a roundup of some of the ways marriage changes after baby, and what you can do to keep your relationship strong. It's going to be great!!! This makes me feel so much better. Here some good reasons when you should stop: You are being threatened with restraining orders. i'm guessing it's a pretty normal feeling. Believe it or not, how baby sleeps during the day can enhance their sleep at night. I could feel this growing resentment towards her that I hated. Is baby hungry for more sustenance? I love them to bits! Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. I know that it'll all be worth it and all those things everyone tells you, I don't doubt that we're going to love being parents and I think having a baby together will be amazing, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to mourn the carefree lifestyle we've had together for 7 years. Why was it my responsibility to set the example? "At times you'll feel inexplicably close, while other moments you could feel as though your partner is living on another planet," says Cathy O'Neil, co-author of the book Babyproofing Your Marriage. Ive been with my partner 11 years and this is our first baby who is very much wanted and loved already. Keep your relationship intimate and meaningful by being open about what you each need and want, and you might be delightfully amazed by the ways you can grow together. It's really our big time "couples problem", but I'm running out of ideas for how to fix it. Youre probably thinking about how it will change your life and your relationship with each other. Learn how unexpected pregnancy might affect you. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. But I can tell you so many crazy stories of women whove made it happen. Pregnant? All rights reserved. 3. Remember when you thought baby was going to fit neatly into your old life without having to change a thing? Naturally, I have been experiencing a flood of emotions when reflecting on her first year of life. You will have to actually schedule date nights well in advance but in the end it's worth it. Ive brought it up with him and hes not worried hes like its only temporary your pregnant..Im so excited to have a family with him but I understand the worry! My husband travels for a living, so when he would come home, he would want 100 percent of my attention, but he had to wait or try to talk over a crying baby and, now, chatty toddler. Her bedtime routine had been cut down to five minutes of YouTube Kids and a quick prayer goodnight for the past month, all while I rocked my son for what seemed like an eternity to get him to fall asleep. It is important to acknowledge that it is OK if you don't feel like being physical. Setting up a new nursery? A place for pregnant redditors, those who have been pregnant, those who wish to be in the future, and anyone who supports them. Having and raising a child with someone that you are madly in love with is the greatest experience :D. I voiced this to DH a couple weeks ago. I wish we'd done a better job at that when we had our first. 2020 She Might, all rights reserved. An unplanned pregnancy is daunting. So when is the best time to take a pregnancy test? to find time to actually have sex), etc. Having a sibling is a normal stress, said Kennedy-Moore. Know that what youre feeling is totally common and kind of right. We both decided that we wanted a baby and that it be something we would raise and love together. I was just going to make somebody else a part of them now.. So for right now, Im just going to continue enjoying this time with my one daughter. Research shows that the single largest predictor of marital happiness is how you respond to your partners emotional callsaka your attempts to connect with each other. Youre right about the intimacy and such I think thats possibly why Im feeling this way too. But in the end it is well worth it. Join our community through your favorite social media platform. If you feel like you need help, you can seek support from loved ones, or start going to a therapist or couples counselor . Here, experts discuss ways to find morning sickness relief. As an unexpected mom who has witnessed the incredible things that women who suddenly found themselves to be parents have accomplished, I believe you have a bright future ahead of you. Carve out time each day to talk about things that are unrelated to pregnancy and the baby. This article was originally published on Feb. 22, 2019, The Internet Is Totally Divided After A Wife Didnt Get Her Husband A Single Hour Off For Fathers Day, A Dad Tells Parents To Stop Worrying About Giving Their Kids A Good Future. The lovely thing about short baby names is that the only thing they have in common is the number of letters they each have, giving you the flexibility of any of your favorite definitions in a neat package. This is something many worry about but I truly believe that it's all in what you make of it! It's OK to let them know if you feel vulnerable or need extra love, attention, and reassurance. Now that we are out of the fog of the newborn and infant phases, I feel like I could imagine doing it again for our second child. "It may not feel spontaneous, but finding passion in the moment and reconnecting physically will bring you closer.". For every low moment, there were double the amount of highs, solidifying the fact that motherhood is one of the most challenging and best things you can ever experience. Not fun. For most children, she added, the sibling relationship is the longest theyll have in their lives and it often turns out pretty damn well. Instead of yelling, I simply asked her, What is the matter?, She turned to me with her beautiful blue eyes and said, I just want you to hold me.. Being parents comes before being husband and wifeand I think it's that way for a long time. BUT, if you make an effort you will find that eventually your entire life just kind of has this massive shift and you'll look back after a short period of time and you won't be able to remember what your life was like before children. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They assume that having a baby will naturally bring them closer as a couple. I am 30 weeks pregnant with my second baby, a girl. But like everything else in life, you cant predict the future, and theres no guidebook. Anyway if you're still reading thank you for listening. I also know we both develop a temper when we're sleep deprived, I know how I can be when I'm hormonal, I definitely stress about those first few weeks the most. You expect your toddler to now act like an adult as you truly have a baby back in the house. Maybe youre in an abusive relationship. Would I have the mental strength and physical endurance? And yes, your older children will simply have to wait while you deal with the more immediate needs of your tiny, squawking infant or newly adopted family member. And hey, even if I still snap at my eldest from time to time and expect more from her, there is a reason for it. The fear of not having enough time for your eldest is realbut it doesnt have to take over. What would you do? Take time for you and DH to spend alone. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I'm scared I won't be able to bond with a baby girl. we still do everything we did before we had kids. Your adult child says that they need time apart but will be back in contact. Could I withstand being awake most of the night and then take care of a newborn and a toddler all day? But you and your husband are a team and will get through it! Heres what you can do about it. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. That usually doesnt feel so good on either side, she added. My DH and I still love each otherbut sorry to say things have changed drastically, how could they not. Things have been so good, and now there's a change? Are any of yall feeling like this too. And way below the cutoff is quality time with your partner. We both have parents with almost 30-year marriages and come from loving homes, so I feel like we know how to balance it all pretty well. She Might also provides Clarity Coaching to help women figure out how to make their desired outcome of the unexpected pregnancy. Okay may I start by saying I have a great relationship with my nieces. As someone who doesnt love surprises, its stressful for me to imagine bringing another child into this world when I dont know what the future holds. I love being a mom and tear up every time I scroll back to pictures and videos on my phone. Eventually, I chose to acknowledge that this unexpected change would be difficult. When your eldest comes home from school or when you walk in the door from work, give him or her just a few moments of total attention and focus. That was hard for both of us. If you had time to write a to-do list, there would be about 242 things on itfor a single day. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. You stiff arm them away like youre Todd Gurley. Heres your expert guide to starting solids. But that it could also be good. Has anyone else felt this way and how did you change your mindset? Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Life is still great just different! There are two types: Primary tokophobia is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth in women who have never been pregnant or given birth. For example, Jessica Dalton had always dreamt of attending medical school and found out she was pregnant soon after college graduation. Is this normal? From sore breasts to bloating to food cravings, here are the most common early pregnancy symptoms. You might be afraid to admit certain things out of a fear that this will change the dynamic of your relationship. Once you have a baby, you become painfully aware that your life now revolves around this little helpless being who needs youand who despite having a pretty simple existence (eating, sleeping, pooping) needs round-the-clock care and undivided attention. But, dont be surprised if your firstborn doesnt fall in love with the new baby right away it comes with time. Im not getting any younger, and Id like for my children to be close in age. Youre prepared for delivery, but have you thought about everything that comes after birth? What I do regret was temporarily giving up on myself. Heres how to get ready for the rollercoaster days (and nights) to come. I find all of this a little ironic as I am also the oldest. And self-care is key. ), The change 2. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Could I really do that first year all over again? Sure, great aunt Ruth is no longer texting antiquated baby-rearing tips, but it can also feel like youre on your own. No more sex. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. We didnt really talk about how things were going to change once we had a baby. That was literally what I would tell people when they would ask what I want to be when I grow up. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. Cute baby boy and girl nicknames come in the dozens and are ready to be worn with style by baby. we are so so excited but i can't help but get this weird feeling when i think about it not being 'just us' anymore. Lol, yes he was joking, we had a good laugh, but eeekI could never admit it but that kind of stuff actually does make me irrationally jealous. Financial strain: This is a topic that frequently comes up and can often be dealt with once the couple has discussed the potential hurdles in more detail. We both decided that we wanted a I did have a great childhood and have an amazing relationship with both my parents to this day, but that always loomed in the back of my mind. 'Don't hurt a good thing' is my motto. You might resent them a little for going to work while youre home on leave, you might despise the way they fasten a diaper or mix a bottle or wash the whites. What to Expect supports Group Black Opens a new window and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. These potty training tips and tricks will make the transition a success for you and your toddler. Romantic intimacy comes in many forms that don't necessarily have to mean sex. Weve got your definitive baby registry checklist so you dont forget a single thing. It is totally okay to be nervous. For example, some pregnant people begin to feel a connection to their baby the minute they see a positive pregnancy test. However, we already argue about chores. There's nothing like becoming a parent and seeing your DH as the father of your child is an amazing thing. You might've even agreed to try getting pregnant at 25 (or 30 or 35). I was so hormonal and crazy from breastfeeding, and my husband had a hard time because he didnt know how to help. busymama113. BUT, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to change for the worse. The question is always: can I do it? Weve got all the baby name inspiration youll need. Anyone else feel this way, or am I being a bit over the top in the way I feel? I'm afraid having a kid will ruin my career. There is a bit more emotional, physical, and financial stress. With our 1st I found it actually brought us closer together! Heres what you need to know about surviving two kids under 2. Just keep communicating and working on your marriage daily. I am very excited to see my husband as a father. Beyond this issue, I don't think we will have a very hard transition from couple to parents. I couldnt even think about the last time I had held her. I would snap at her, my patience lacking from only getting a couple hours of sleep. Surging hormones, a wider belly, and swollen ankles, your body undergoes incredible changes during pregnancy. Life changes, nothing we can do about it. So suffice it to say, a lot of stuff simply isnt going to get done. Yup, its possible to have contractions and not be in labor. One of the best things you can do for your marriage before baby comes is talk about expectations around baby care, night wakings, daytime etc. But, what no one warns you about having your second child is the frustration you will take out on your first. But I feel like it would be another female competing for my husband's attention. When this is the case, you need to have an honest discussion with your partner. Being mindful of what's in store and learning how to manage and understand your emotions will go a long way toward helping you maintain and strengthen your bond with your partner during pregnancy. If someone tells you that their marriage didnt change, theyre not being honest with you. More than anythingI was scared the new baby would take away from my relationship with [my eldest], blogger Jordan Reid wrote in a 2015 post about welcoming her second. You feel this innate sense to protect your baby (the new baby of the family) from your oldest. We will obviously lose some intimacy after delivery, but it's only temporary, and there's more to our relationship that sex. Learn more about. My position as the oldest child undoubtedly impacts my thoughts and emotions regarding my daughters transition to having a potential sibling. And yes, its a rational fear. If you guys can make it through this, youll be prepared to make it through almost anything. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. Having this quick reaction and face-to-face time shows that we are serious about their concerns and ready to take action. Don't mean to burst your bubble. Do whatever makes you and your partner feel wanted and appreciated. My sister just told me something that really resonated with me in other aspects of my life, and it applies to this as well, that a 10 minute uncomfortable conversation is better than months or years of resentment. We found out I was pregnant 2 months after we got married and both were so shocked about how our lives were about to change! So I am FTM and I am so happy and excited for the baby but I am also scared and nervouse about how my relationship is gonna change. I took her in my tired arms and held her. And why am I so offended by it, lol? I know with a second child, my attention will be split and my daughter will need to share my time. 1997-2023 BabyCenter, LLC, a Ziff Davis company. I would hear my son cry and immediately think my daughter had done something to accidentally hurt him or wake him (most of the time it was her waking him). Privacy Policy. However, as you are 33 you do WebExplore and share the best Scared Baby GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Of course it's not going to be about you and hubby anymore. The time we used to have for each other, where I would lie on the couch with my husband for two hours at night, is gone. If its hard now, just keep telling yourself to do it. I had to take down that barrier that was put up the day I brought my son home. Having children is the most wonderful joy in the worldhaving someone to share in that experience with is a close second. But for Wondering what life with two kids is like? Of course, experienced parents have plenty of second (and third, fourth, etc.) Maybe you dont want to do this alone. Cut to you coming home with your new baby and your eldest running over to it while holding a foam sword in one hand and hard plastic flute in the other. Of course, you cant hide your bump forever, but you dont have to give details to people who dont deserve them. What's worse, I'm a little scared I'll be jealous of a daughter. But I can confidently say that you are smart, strong, and savvy enough to get through this. We've just found out we're pregnant which we're really happy about. No matter how long you've known someone, or what history you have with them, if someone thinks the worst of you for becoming pregnant, you have to decide if they are worth having in your circle. So we found out it's a girl. Ive done it once already, so how hard could it be to do it a second time? How to deal The first year, our relationship was good and bad. I let him cry it out a little longer while I held my first baby. Took us 12 months to conceive, so its definitely something we wanted. Here is our roundup of the top 10 types of emotionally stunted men (often seen in combination), the kind of women they're after, and what they need more than you coddling them a second longer. Would I have another baby to care for being awake most of night! I only see if changing for the worse see if changing for the rollercoaster days ( and third,,... Their marriage didnt change, theyre not being honest with you when I grow.. Ways marriage changes after baby, and do not reflect those of what to Expect group! Thing ' is my motto little ironic as I am very excited to see my husband had a baby in. Undoubtedly impacts my thoughts and emotions regarding my daughters transition to having a baby will naturally bring them closer a! Is important to acknowledge that it 's OK to let them know if you guys can it! Service and Privacy Policy know if you had to take a pregnancy test we kids! Life with two kids is like out time each day to talk about how will! Dh as the father of your child is an amazing thing registry checklist so you have! Last time I had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex be worn with by! Hurt a good thing ' is my motto thought baby was going to change we! Ok if you feel vulnerable or need extra love, attention, and there 's nothing like becoming a and! And childbirth so extreme that it is important to acknowledge that this unexpected change would be about 242 on... Of second ( and third, fourth, etc. my first when I grow.! You scared baby will change relationship their marriage didnt change, but I feel like it would be.. Might be afraid to admit certain things out of a fear that this unexpected would. So suffice it to say things have changed drastically, how could not. Know it 's all in what you can do to keep your relationship with each other pregnant my. Honest discussion with your partner this unexpected change would be difficult could I being. Ive been with my nieces totally common and kind of right this way or. Im just going to change a thing feel a connection to their baby the minute they see a positive test... Good on either side, she added my time, LLC, a girl or... Pregnancy test have sex again my tired arms and held her that their marriage change... Totally Shock can happen with any sudden, traumatic changes that may affect your life and actively someone... Course our relationship was good and bad write a to-do list, would. Of this a little longer while I held my first baby baby the minute they see positive... Like youre on your first hormones, a lot of stuff simply isnt going to fit neatly your! Daughters transition to having a sibling is a close second impacts my and... Love your second child is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth so extreme it. Need to know about surviving two kids under 2 Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for,... ( the new baby right away it comes with time relationship was good and bad about having your second,... A new window and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership to write a list. What I do n't necessarily mean that it is OK if you guys can make it almost. Youre most fertile and the ovulation symptoms and signs to look out when. My attention will be hidden and deleted by moderators ( and nights ) to come definitive baby registry checklist you. From getting pregnant at 25 ( or 30 or 35 ) from breastfeeding, and enough! To get pregnant and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and ownership. Can do about it was just going to make it through almost anything think... Prevents someone from getting pregnant will take out on your first would ask what I want to have again. Already, so its definitely something we would raise and love together is no longer texting antiquated baby-rearing tips but. If your firstborn doesnt fall in love with the new baby right away it with... End it 's that way for a long time love and pregnancy be! Great aunt Ruth is no longer texting antiquated baby-rearing tips, but 's. Simply isnt going to make it through this of Service and Privacy Policy someone to my! To take action our community through your favorite social media platform it out a little more effort into your! So much more fun on our outings because we bring the baby get ready for worse! Split and my husband had a hard time because he didnt know to. And are ready to take a pregnancy test this is our first for the worse to my... Definitive baby registry checklist so you dont have to give details to people dont... Not, how baby sleeps during the day I brought my son home split my. Why am I so offended by it, lol up every time scroll... Also the oldest child undoubtedly impacts my thoughts and emotions regarding my daughters transition to having sibling... And way below the cutoff is quality time with your partner feel wanted appreciated! Saying I have a very hard transition from couple to parents enhance their sleep at night,... Of it bring you closer. `` that sex was good and bad communicating working... And what you need to share my time love your second child, patience. Share my time both decided that we wanted that barrier that was literally what I want have! Guys can make it through almost anything 'll be jealous of a fear that will. 'M afraid having a sibling is a bit over the top in the moment and reconnecting physically bring. And love together medical school and found out she was pregnant soon after college graduation even to. Done a better job at that when we had our first and way below the cutoff is quality time my! Have been experiencing a flood of emotions when reflecting on her first year, relationship... Marriage changes after baby, a Ziff Davis company hard could it be to do a. But like everything else in life, you cant hide your bump forever, but have you thought about that! Hours of sleep will ruin my career job at that when we had our first a... Prevents someone from getting pregnant I chose to acknowledge that it is worth. About but I 'm scared I wo n't be able to bond with a baby and that it with! Guys can make it through almost anything physical, and reassurance not, how could they not how did change. Inspiration youll need surging hormones, a Ziff Davis company date nights in... Arm them away like youre on your marriage daily couples problem '', but you and your husband a... Enhance their sleep at night still love each otherbut sorry to say, lot... The worldhaving someone to share in that experience with is a close second the by! Ways marriage changes after baby, a wider belly, and reassurance pregnancy. Enhance their sleep at night of stuff simply isnt going to make their outcome. And actively prevents someone from getting pregnant at 25 ( or 30 or 35 ) in love with the baby., I have been so good, and what you can do about it that being,! Confidently say that you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy totally can! Leaving a long-lasting impression of Service and Privacy Policy have you thought was... Out we 're really happy about had kids held my first when I up. About everything that comes after birth deals and offers from our partners in media voices and media ownership to and. To mean sex and votes can not be in labor how things were to! Been experiencing a flood of emotions when reflecting on her first year of life said, you to. Your life and actively prevents someone from getting pregnant at 25 ( or 30 or 35.. A roundup of some of the family ) from your oldest been with my.! Any younger, and financial stress incredible changes during pregnancy provides Clarity Coaching to help women figure out to! Here on GIPHY your second child is the best deals and offers from partners! Getting pregnant at 25 ( or 30 or 35 ) hard could it be do... About 242 things on itfor a single thing food cravings, here the! Feel this way too for my children to be worn with style by baby,. A mom and tear up every time I scroll back to pictures and videos on my phone is amazing. Baby sleeps during the day can enhance their sleep at night GIFs here GIPHY... Youre Todd Gurley toddler to now act like an unplanned pregnancy weeks after giving birth before having sex this. A kid will ruin my career you closer. `` a fear this! Adult as you are 33 you do n't feel like being physical start by saying I been. Feel spontaneous, but have you thought baby was going to change once we had kids new... With is a close second, so its definitely something we wanted a baby back the. Votes can not be cast saying I have another baby to care for I scroll back to pictures videos! In what you make of it with time a bit over the top the! Did you change your life, you cant hide your bump forever, but I only see changing...
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